Things that make me happy

I've been contemplating on making this post for about several days now, probably a week even. My brain is particularly scattered right now and spazzing out from the multitude must-dos and want-to-dos, so before I head out again and drown this consciousness in caffeine factory also known as Starbucks, I'm gonna indulge myself and write a post about the things that make me happy.

1. Running

I wouldn't have thought of writing this down if not for the endorphin-induced pep of yesterday. I'm currently training for a 10K, and I ran 4.8K the other other day in about 30mins. The run itself wasn't pretty, I stopped a couple of times and had to lower the incline halfway. But about the last kilometer, I pushed myself out and ran at near-maximum speed. The next day, voila! I felt awesome and had this inner unexplainable happiness from within. I felt like bouncing off my feet and smiling while commuting. Sometimes it's easy to make boxed conclusions that 'happiness' is practically just a bunch of chemicals and hormones that induce certain brain reactions we interpret as happiness. Technically it's been scientifically proven with endorphins,  induced by running, physical activity, human interaction, chocolate, etc., well apart from the end-of-the-spectrum-acceptable-stuff such as drugs (which induce dopamine). I say boxed because happiness is not purely about chemicals, if not then we would have seen happiness pills a long time ago (okay I'm gonna stop making distinctions abt drug-induced high because I'm obviously talking about regular happiness here). Happiness is a feeling, we know it, recognize it, analyze it in hindsight, try to quantify and qualify it, even produce it temporarily and artificially, but we only realize it once it is there.

Why I plan to exercise forever

Nine months ago, if you told me that I would be doing yoga, training for a 10K, and loving HIIT, I would be staring at you blank in the face. I guess one of the best things that came about my last breakup was exercise. I joined a gym a few weeks after my weepy melancholic phase, partly because of depression and partly because I had more time in my hands than I was ever aware of. And since then my love affair with this exercise thing has begun.

My quarter life crisis might just be over

I will keep this post short since a lot of my entries have been victimized by my endless no-end-in-sight ramblings that they all ended up unfinished, and unpublished.

I am in a better place right now, perhaps better than the past few months or years even. A lot of experiences, internal monologues, self-help books and random online reading led up to this point, but if I had to distill the realizations that made the most difference, here are they:

1. Perfect is an ideal. And I am not perfect and will never be. Just gun for it. Forget perfect.

Needless to say a lot of it I learned through exercise...

2. As our yoga instructor always says: "Stay". Is it painful right now? Stay. Count 1 to 8 and repeat. Keep counting. The important thing is to stay. You will always appreciate it in the end.

3. Just keep moving. The smallest steps taken cumulatively still take you forward. Just put one foot in front of the other. Just one foot.

4. Show up.

5. Taking breaks does not mean  quitting. Sometimes it is foolish to go all out when your body clearly needs a breather. Take a break. Breath. Smile and give it another huge go.

6. No amount of body transformation will make me happier. I was smaller back in December, and probably was in better shape, but I didn't see it then because I was too busy noticing the stuff that needs more work. I am fuller now, but in a better relationship with my body. Appreciation was the missing ingredient. No amount of muscle or six pack or jutting bones will ever make you happy if you are so consumed with seeing your body as a disfigurement that needs to be corrected. Our bodies do not need correction. Our mindsets do. I love my body for what it enables me to do. I love my body because it is full and healthy. And I do not need any positive comment or instagram like to reaffirm what amazing thing my body is.

6. Sometimes snottiness is indeed veiled insecurity. Putting other people down does not make you any better.

7. Full effort and work= self-respect.

8. One little effort, right now.

9. Focus on people who would probably donate their kidney to you (out of love of course). Let go of people who do not want anything to do with you.

10. Be yourself. Stay faithful to your conscience. Acknowledge your humanity.

On consuming sugar

I realized it's not even a question of whether we should limit sugar intake or not. The more salient question is, do we even consume it at all? If you think about it, it has 0 nutritive value, calorie bloated, practically paves the road to diabetes and a host of other 'modern diseases', and only exists so we can largely artificially sweeten our frankenstein foods, and more importantly, addictive. I see no point in having sugar, and fake food flour. Hay gulay. And yes I should eat more greens.

I am loving slow and steady

Long term, slow, insidious change is what counts the most. And every day I chip a little away. I am completely happy with foward than nothing. Resilient more than fleeting.

Today's learning tidbit

Apparently many things I am worried about, or concerned of, do not mean a damn thing.
Wasting a lot of my time and energy.

The irrationality of desire

That which is forbidden
Will always be mind-fuckingly enticing